"I may never fully know why I went through this or why I felt prompted to have another baby. But I do know this. That people go through hard things all the time. That every day someone close to us is struggling with something. Big or small it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we love and support each other."
Brigitte Shamy runs SexyModest Boutique by Brigitte Brianna, a company determined to create beautiful and stylish pieces of clothing all while making sure they are comfortable and modest. She has become a well-known woman in her industry and although she is inspiring and successful, her journey has not been easy.
Brigitte believes that family comes first (then clothing and tacos which I think we can all get behind!) She thought her family, consisting of her husband, their oldest daughter and a set of twin girls, seemed complete. She refers to them as her miracle babies because the road to having them was difficult. Six years after the birth of her twins, Brigitte felt inspired to try again for a fourth baby.
With one surviving embryo left - and countless prayers - Brigitte started the in vitro process again. “It is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life,” she said. “In vitro is ugly and hard and emotional and everything in-between… Countless injections, swelling, sickness, pain, pressure, headaches, nausea, shaking, fevers, fatigue. Every symptom even if it was a 1% chance… I had it. But these medical symptoms don’t even come close to the pain or the heartbreak, the stress or the anxiety.”
Brigitte suffers from major needle phobia. Needing to have injections meant that she would hyperventilate and meltdown daily. With all her additional symptoms it took everything in her to get ready each day. She would often shower, then have to lie down. Put on her makeup and lie down again. Despite being to sick to function, suffering from severe anxiety and stress - Brigitte’s pregnancy test came back positive… with twins!!
The excitement soon turned to fear when the doctor told her that the twins weren’t growing fast enough. At her 10 week ultrasound, Brigitte’s babies didn’t have heartbeats.
“I remember thinking of all the times I have heard or known of women miscarrying babies and I was heartbroken that I didn’t reach out. I never knew of their pain and heartbreak until now. You know that aw-ha moment in your life where you’re being taught a really great lesson the hard way. It was like I had been struck with a stick and I finally realized that you may not have to understand someone’s pain to serve them.”
Despite losing these babies - and going through the painful recovery process that comes from a D&C - Brigitte slowly started living her life again.
“That’s the crazy think about life. Your heart seems to always recover. Maybe never fully, but man - mine is pretty resilient at this point.”
Brigitte still felt that her family wasn’t complete. So against all odds, and without any more frozen embryos, they started the entire in vitro process over again.
“It was really really hard on my body and this time I had some complications. They gave me the wrong size needles and I was hitting the bone in my hip. I had a severe reaction, swelling and wasn’t able to walk well. The nerves were damaged in my hips and the lumps were massive and painful. And at the end of it all, we got a negative pregnancy test. And so it continues. Third times a charm right?!?!”
The third attempt everything went according to plan and yet - the pregnancy test was still negative.
“I may never fully know why I went through this or why I felt prompted to have another baby. But I do know this. That people go through hard things all the time. That every day someone close to us is struggling with something. Big or small it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we love and support each other. That we give hugs away more often than not and that we speak words of kindness and love. On the day I found out that my test was negative I had some very special friends just show up at my door out of the blue. I couldn’t really talk, but I didn’t need to. They just came to sit with me. Sometimes that's all you need.”
“For those who have gone through this or are going through this… I pray for you daily. For your heart to find peace and for you to know how much you are loved. I’m also beyond grateful for women like you who will put themselves through this time and time again because they yearn to be mothers. To be selfless loving mothers. Bless your sweet souls. And know that you are not alone and I love you!”
Brigitte tried again. Through all the hardship, heartache, and disappointment - The test finally came back positive!
“I feel her move all day every day and feel her cute hiccups. And it still feels surreal. I’ve seen her in my dreams over the last 10 years. And I have a hard time wrapping my head around that after all this time and waiting I’m finally going to get to hold this little girl so soon. I have no idea how I stuck to the course with all the shots, surgeries and appointments for so many years. The heartbreak at times seemed too much to handle. If you’re waiting for your little miracle - be brave. You can do hard things. And I promise you that it’s worth the wait.”